BOYGIRL

BOYGIRL

So I am a boy

So I am a girl

I go to school wearing a dress, like I always do. And there is a ribbon in my hair

I am 6 I think

It is a new school, I have never ever been there before. We just moved here. We move a lot. I have been to many schools and I hate that.

The school has a lot of girls and I want to play with them, but I don't know them and they don't know me. So I want to ask if they want to play with me

But I cannot speak, because I stutter badly, and I have tics, so I jerk and my mouth twitches and the words I like to say will not come.

The girls look at me surprised, and then they laugh.

It's a school and a day like any other school and any other day.

I sit in class alone, I go home alone, and I dread what is at home and it always ends bad.

So I am a boy

So I am a girl

I have never understood the difference but they laugh at me when they see my confusion

I have never comprehended how I cannot be a girl, but they tell me, and they point and show

I am not a girl, but in my heart of hearts I am.

I have never been otherwise. 

This is my body, I accept it

This is my mind, please accept me

I come back from having been far, far away and there is no speech

There is no sound

There is no light in my eyes

And I desperately need friends to survive

I am no boy

I am no girl

I have lived and saved boys

I must learn how to live and save myself

So I reach out and search again for friends

This time I do not stutter because I am writing on my PC

This time I have found people to talk to who understand me and who even like to talk to me

This time I have found people who see I am not stupid but smart.

So I am a boy

So I am a girl

So I am an elf, a fairy, a unicorn,

A woman, a man.

I like to dance and sing and play

Come join me?

© Darren White